how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
