i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
