so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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