Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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