You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
