I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
