dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
