No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
