College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
