Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
