I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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