thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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