Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
