What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
