I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
