White coat. Heels.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
