filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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