Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
