I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
