My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
