so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
