just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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