Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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