We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
