Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
