FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
