I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
