I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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