i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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