i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
