my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
