We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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