i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
