you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
