You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
