rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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