My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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