who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
