Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
