Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
