im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish my penis had a tongue
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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