Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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