so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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