well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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