I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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