Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
