You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
