My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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