Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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