i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
