my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
