Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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